michele-fischer.com

Well I felt the need to check in with my readers-all both of you to see how you are doing with my Monday Morning Challenge. For me, it’s been pretty good! I have written and submitted a new article for consideration-one that I will be sure to share with you either way.

I am planning on working tonight on some new poetry for my poetry meetup group that meets tomorrow night. All in all I would say I have been keeping my promise to do more of what I love!

To help spur you on here is a little motivation.

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It would seem that on Monday mornings it is very easy to get stuck in a somewhat negative mindset. We may look back at the weekend and wonder why it went so fast or we may be looking ahead to the week in front of us wondering how we will have enough energy to accomplish all that is in our “In Box.”

For me, Monday mornings usually come with a high level of expectation, generally followed by a let down of reality. Every Monday for me is like a mini New Years Day. I think about the exercise I can do, the routines and healthy habits I will establish it’s all about being able to start over with a fresh perspective.

Generally I still end up not accomplishing half the things in my in-box but there is a magic that can come with the beginning of a new week. Perhaps we can take one small goal and focus our intentions on it, and make steps toward achieving it. For me, this week is all about writing. I will be writing researching, posting daily and keeping myself immersed and focused on the craft I love so much. I will not spend time focusing on the end result. I will work on just doing what I love without worrying about whether or not this will someday become my full time work. I will learn to love the process and the work.

Would you like to take the challenge? What is something that you would love to spend more time focusing on but is usually the first thing that gets pushed aside when you are busy or tired? Join me this week on my challenge and you could win a prize-in addition to feeling all sorts of goodness as you focus and work on what you love to do! So whether it’s painting, gardening, walking, spending time with your family-whatever you would love to do more of-share it here! At the end of the week I will be reading all of your wonderful comments and will pick 1 winner to win a beautiful prize pack. The prize back will be chocked full of feel good items like candles, pretty bobbles and more!

How do you join? Post a comment here-let us know what you are committing to! We will keep each other honest and on-track all week. Each day comment back to my current post and let us know how it’s going! Even if we only spend an extra hour this week doing what we love-it’s an hour more than the we had! Join in! I can’t wait to see what you do!

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For those of you that visit my blog regularly you may have been wondering-what happened?

Well I didn’t run away from the blog world-my host was having some problems and I have made some changes-changes which require me to re-upload all my fun stuff here at Shelly land

I hope you will continue to check back-I may just mix in some new blogs with the old ones!

Thanks for your patience!

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My husband and I official met during my second semester in college-I was just 18 and he was just 19. We both had the same thought, “she/he’s not my type but we seem to have fun.” 14 years later we are married homeowners expecting our first child.

Over the course of our 14 year run we have watched friends get married and divorced, date and break-up (and sometimes date again) and most often we have heard this phrase repeated time and again, “you guys are so lucky.”

We smile knowing full well no one means to insult us and that in their own way our friends are complimenting us on having a steady relationship that fulfills us and brings us a lot of happiness, support and love. If only I could get past the “lucky” comment.

You get lucky at a slot machine or with a scratch-off lottery ticket but when it comes to work, home, family and career you get what you put into it and to suggest that someone’s happy life is a result of luck not only is mildly insulting but also leaves you in the most unfortunate of situations; believing you have no control in the happiness, solidity and general direction of your own life.

I will be the first to admit that people get better starts in life then some. You may be born into a loving family environment where money is not a concern. You knew love from an early age and grew up feeling supported and cared for. Some would say you were “lucky.” However, if luck were the only requirement to a happy life, you wouldn’t hear the stories of the person who “had it all” and then lost it to drugs, alcohol or just a general ambivalence to their life.

So is it possible, in a world surrounded by broken relationships, dating sites and “cosmo-tips” to meet the right person, stay together and, *gasp* be happy?

Well, I have no idea about anyone else but it would seem those closest to me think that the gods smiled on my husband and I blessing us with a happy life-because we were favored among the others. So the other night, while I was trying to sleep my sarcastic side took over and I started to think about the book I could write and it would be in the “self-help section” of the bookstore. My picture would be on the back flap, I’d be standing leaning against a wall, arms crossed, smiling knowingly because I had the secret to a happy marriage.

It then dawned on me, that I wouldn’t need to write a book, perhaps a pamphlet laden with drawings and examples would do. After all, I didn’t find it all that hard so maybe it needn’t be so difficult. And in my sleepy mind I came up with Michele’s Rules for a Happy Marriage-Relationship/Partnership/Etc. I haven’t elaborated on each rule, I am not much for redundancy but if you would like further explanation feel free to comment and I’ll see what I can do.

I hope you enjoy J

Rule #1 Pick the right mate

Rule #2 Leave your ego and need to be right at the door

Rule #3 Talk openly and honestly about your fears, worries, hopes and insecurities

Rule #4 Listen openly and honestly to your partners fears, worries, hopes and insecurities

Rule #5 Have fun together and make each other laugh daily

Rule #6 Compromise

Rule #7 Love each other

I know, I know, you are thinking to yourself, “How do you know that I have the right partner?”

The answer is simple.

Rules 2-7 work.

Another question you might be asking yourself, “Why is love last on the list? Shouldn’t love be the most important thing? Shouldn’t bells sound and shouldn’t I be swept off my feet and romanced, wined and dined-shouldn’t I just know that he the one?”

In a word-no. Now I am not saying there is no such thing as love at first site or that romance isn’t important-it all is. I will tell you that if all you have is romance, passion and this constant euphoria you will be in for a rude awakening when your feet touch ground. After all, life is all about ups and downs. You need someone that can support you and whom you can support-you need substance, depth-you need a partner.

I am also willing to bet if you put love above the other rules you will find yourself breaking up 5 years from now using phrases like, “we were more like friends” and ” I loved him but I wasn’t ‘in-love’ with him.”

Relationships are simple if you give openly and honestly, you work at seeing your partners side of things-not just your own and you accept that the best things in life are earned and re-earned each and every day.

 -Copyright July 14, 2010
Michele Fischer

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The past year or so my husband and I have come to look forward to the monthly Open Mic’s that are held in our town. We spend Saturday evening curled up on our favorite couch, enjoying a cup of coffee and a slice of pie or a few cookies and take in the creative works of artists from all over.

A true Open Mic night is exactly what it sounds like, poets, writers, singers, musicians, comedians and performers of all types take to stage to share and hone their skills. The vast array of performers and not knowing what will be coming next truly keeps your attention as each new performer takes the stage.

The Open Mic that I attend regularly is run by a friend of mine and the environment she has created is one of such openness, creativity and acceptance. Everyone says when you step through her doors you just feel welcomed and at east. This past weekend my husband and I were in our favorite spot listening to the performers-some whose songs we have come to know by heart. I found myself at one point, looking for a song I knew or loved, hoping one of them would perform an old familiar favorite and more surprising I was disappointed when it didn’t happen.

I soon realized that in searching for something that wasn’t there, I wasn’t really enjoying the moment.  I was looking for an experience that I had last time or was looking for something specific all the while ignoring what was occurring right in front of me. How similar that is to what can happen to us in life. We have expectations, things whether through teachings or just past experiences and when they don’t happen exactly as we desire we consider them a failure or inadequate.

I think of brides anxiously planning their weddings and then getting upset when the slightest detail is not perfect. How often does something so small ruin our day or a party or a dinner spent with friends? Do we too often in life look for the songs we know and miss the beautiful melodies that flow around each and every one of us? Are we able to simply sit back, no expectations, and simply look at the wonders that present themselves to us and enjoy them for what they are instead of judging for what they are not?

Here is to a beautiful week of unexpected joys and beautiful surprises that we never expected

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I believe I need to stop seeing the bigger picture.

I need to stop imagining the day when “if only” is finally a reality, the stars have aligned and the skies are not cloudy all day.

I have written before about my <a href=”http://michele-fischer.com/2010/01/daydream-believer/”>inability at times to see the forest for the trees </a> but it seems once again I have forgotten to observe the mere moments that make up each every day. When you look at a day in its entirity, made up of errands, tasks and a never-ending “to-do” list, it is very easy to lose yourself in the “have-to’s” and miss the small moments that surround us each day.

The other day I was in the midst of my day, working and running errands in between jobs. As I was walking my mind started racing thinking of what I had to do next I noticed a familiar thought sneak in the back door of my mind. “If only I had more time, a vacation so I can get caught up, if I could only pursue my dream full time…” It was then that I received a spiritual smack on the back of my head. I like to believe it was my guide, spirit-whatever you like to call it, bringing me out of my destructive mindset and pulling back into the present. I stopped and took in the moment.

The sun was out, I saw a dragonfly that had been leading the way during most of my walk, flying into my path then off to the right, back into my path, off to the left. The weather was perfect, my favorite kind actually. Sunny, 70′s, no humidity and slight cool breeze in the air. It was the middle of the day and I had a moment to enjoy it. A moment that I was not even taking advantage of because I was too busy fretting over all the things I wanted different in my life.

It is so easy to focus on the challenges we face each and every day. To sit outside eating our lunch on a gorgeous day and be aggrevated that we will be forced to spend the majority of it in an office with no windows typing away on a computer. It is so much more difficult to take in a deep breath and offer thanks that we get to sit outside on a gorgeous day and enjoy our lunch.

I have a challenging day ahead of me-a full day meeting, inside a conference room-something that tortures and rips at all the parts of myself I value so deeply. I am going to take on the challenge and try and see the moments-not wish away the day until 5pm arrives and I can leave and “get back to my life.” I will try to find moments, peace inside the storm where I can smile and be grateful.

Have a Wonderful Moment!

“Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses.”

– Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr

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In my quest for spirituality I have studied many religions, paths, dogmas and theories. Some I have become immersed in, others I have just read about but I always take something away from each of them. Regardless of the religion, the orientation or the belief system there is usually a piece of wisdom that resonates with me. One the religions I have read about was Wicca and they have what is called “The Four Powers of the Magus”

“The Four Powers of the Magus are the personal attributes traditionally necessary and required for the successful use and practice of magick.  These are – To Know, To Dare, To Will, and To Be Silent.  Without these four attributes combined, the individual will never be successful in magick. 

The reasoning is quite simple; none of the attributes mentioned are enough in themselves, as all four attributes must be present to balance each other out.  For instance:  

To Know – Knowledge is no good, without the will and audacity to see magick done.  

To Dare – Audacity is no good, without the knowledge and will to see magick done. 

To Will – Will power is no good, without the knowledge and audacity to see magick done.   

To Be Silent – What good are the above, without the discretion to remain silent until the magick is done?  To reveal your magick before it is done, dissipates it’s power and effectiveness. 

So, anyone aspiring to use magick, he/see needs a knowledge of what he/see is doing, the audacity to use it, the will power to control it, and the discretion to remain silent till the work is done.” [1]

The reason I Share this is that I am finding all of these are applying to where I am personally with my life. I have noticed lately that I do a lot of explaining-we all do. I suppose it’s our desire to make a connection with another human being, to feel that we belong, that others share our views and beliefs. I suppose it is that desire to feel understood that leads to explanation.

An example, albeit a small one, is the book club my friends and I have formed. The book we are currently reading is a self-help book of sorts and the topic sounded very interesting-and it is. The author’s approach however, is completely different than my own and not something I can resonate with at all. In my attempt to explain why I disliked this book so much, I realized that in fact I was trying to explain myself.

Lately I have noticed that the more I try to explain myself, the less clear I feel people see me. I am trying to paint myself to them, so that they see my true self, my intentions and I suppose the writer in me takes over in a vain attempt to say, “No you don’t understand that’s not right!”

When I was preparing for today’s entry the phrase, “To remain silent,” came to mind and I realized that was where my frustration was coming from. As a writer I should know that regardless of the intention of your writing, once it is shared it is now open to interpretation and the interpretor brings their own life experiences with them when they pick up a piece of work, when they read it, when the finish it-if they finish it. It would be impossible to take in account everyone’s unique views and life experiences when you are writing.

So why am I trying to do it with myself?

Rather than explaining the choices I make, the roads I take why not just be silent. Perhaps the true path to consciousness, to confidence, comes from not just knowing who you are but living congruently with that knowledge without the need for explanation; your life is your explanation.

If we Know who we are and we are Daring enough to live our lives in congruence with our beliefs and we have the Will to be true to ourselves then the Silence will come for no words can express what others are unable to see.

Here is to being the living witness of all that we believe, love and cherish without the need for words-our actions will be all that’s necessary.

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I Think I’ll Go For A Walk Outside Now

So today was a very full day for me work wise and I came home feeling tired and stressed. The weather here on the East Coast was absolutely gorgeous and I started on my drive home to try and decompress from the day. Dance music playing loudly, windows rolled down and my singing off-key did work to shake a small amount of the day away. Once home, I had the house to myself and decided to take a nice long walk even though part of me was saying, “No we want to plop on the couch and veg!” Somehow, that voice was squelched by the part of me that wanted to get lost in my newly downloaded music (Telephone by Lady Gaga J) and I just knew I needed to clear my head in a way that only fresh air and exercise can do.

And boy did it work.

I came home, tired but truly feeling as if my day was weeks ago instead of a few short hours. It made me think about all the times I was stressed and anxious in the past and thought about practicing yoga, meditating or going for a walk but didn’t and just flopped down to mope. I knew I would feel better. I knew that if I just went out and walked around the block or popped in a CD that pretty soon I would feel better and yet, I didn’t.

Why do we find it so hard to do things we know will make us feel better and be happy? Are we so conditioned that things have to be hard, that we have to “push through” and if we aren’t struggling then we aren’t trying hard enough? We are told that exercise should “burn” and that we should be working long hours to the point of exhaustion and who has time to get enough sleep? We learn that relationships are hard work and we should always be pushing, pushing, pushing.

Why can’t we just let go and move with our rhythms, our thoughts, our bodies? Why not count a walk around the block as exercise, a day reading at the beach learning and laughing with our significant other working at our relationship? Maybe, if we focused a bit more on the things that make us feel better the tough things won’t be so bad?

Today, I think I’ll go for a walk outside J

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Have you ever tried to explain yourself to someone else?  I don’t just mean explaining your side of the story, or your part in a project but to explain who you are. I find it amazingly difficult and after the conversation I feel like I have been exceedingly successful in giving the absolute wrong impression of myself.

One time, while driving with my sister-in-law I was talking about how my brother likes to say I’m “flighty.” In an effort to explain things I said “I’m not flighty, I’m just all over the place.” My sister-in-law was kind and let the statement go until I started laughing, looked at her and said, “That’s pretty much the definition of flighty isn’t it?”

I suppose regardless of what your intention is when you set out on your day it’s the perception of others that we cannot control. How truly are we able to understand and relate to what is at the core of another human being? It seems from an early age we are inundated with judgments.  Parents are told that their child isn’t gaining enough weight, or is gaining too much. Schools say this child isn’t learning fast enough, studying hard enough or applying themselves or that they are a dedicated student that will go far in life.

These are all judgments based on one person or a tribe of people’s beliefs, thoughts and perceptions.

We are conditioned to be aware of what others think of our actions, our choices, our lives. All out of fear of being judged or criticized, ridiculed or made feel separate from the tribe. Perhaps that is why explaining yourself to another person is not only difficult but is also futile. You cannot control what someone is going to do with the information you give them, how they will perceive and process what you are telling them.

Perhaps the only true answer in life, the only way to not worry about what others think, to not allow yourself to be boxed into a cookie cutter mold of what you should be is to know who you are and live your life. Live without explanation, without judgment of yourself and without judging others; that’s a hard one I know. For free spirits that are truly working to send love into the world, it may just be the missing ingredient in our day to day lives.

So today I start living my life without explanation, without the need to justify or fit within the confines of any box, label or stereotype. Actor David Hyde Pierce once said, “I live my life like an open book, but but I don’t intend to read anyone the pages.”

Be you. Be Free. Be Open.

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Have you ever wondered why negative people keep circling back in your life? We all know a few people that you happily have removed from your day to day circle of life. I personally like to insulate myself to some extent and only socialize with people that I see as positive, healthy and whose company I enjoy. I must acknowledge how fortunate I am to have the amount of beautiful, loving and supportive people in my life and I do my best to remember this when faced with challenges.

It would seem that the harder I work to keep a positive mind and a healthy outlook, the more the same handful of people that I have distanced myself from resurface in my life. It could be a social gathering or someone from another office that keeps wiggling their way into mine for no reason. It seems that the more that I focus on the positive and the good, the more I will find someone negative resurfacing in my life.

I have often wondered why I can’t seem to rid certain people from my life no matter how hard I try. If you believe in Sacred Contracts, is may not be about what they have to teach me but rather what I have to teach them. It also could be a lesson I haven’t completely learned that needs to keep presenting itself until I learn it properly.

Truth be told I don’t like either of these answers and am being quite bratty about my need to keep these people at bay.

I know, I know, spread the love. I had a glorious morning too enjoying the sunshine and I was getting a lot done-so why the change?

Perhaps this all stems from the amount of power I grant to the people I encounter each day. My nature has always been acutely aware of others and their approval, disapproval, happiness, sadness-well you get the idea. More often than not I have found myself saying, “I was having such a nice day then they had to ruin it.”

It’s amazing the power I have given away, in many cases to complete strangers! An encounter in a store, something happens while driving, calling an 800 number (Press 2 please J) and in an instant a perfectly nice day is wiped away because of the actions of another.

I have always prided myself on my ability to be alone rather than be with someone whose company I did not enjoy. I always viewed myself as someone who could stand on her own and live alone if I had to rather than be in a relationship that was bad for me. With that kind of confidence and self awareness, how can I possible allow the actions of someone I barely know influence me so greatly? Am I actually more dependent on others for my happiness than I thought? Do I need the sun to be shining, people to be smiling and the birds to be singing to have a good day? Under those conditions it’s almost impossible to have a bad day!

Perhaps my lesson is about realizing that only I am responsible for my joy or sadness and no one else. I was talking with a friend earlier about high school, and as I write this blog, I was reminded of a favorite quote I have that ironically enough was my quote in my senior yearbook.

Apparently the Universe was preparing me for this “self-revelation.” So to spread some love, some joy I leave you to with my quote and a song:

“Happiness is not in our circumstances, it is in ourselves.
It is not something we see like a rainbow or feel like the heat of a fire.
Happiness is something we are.”

-Unknown

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